Too Fly To Forget It! Realigning With Who I Am...
What’s up, Readers?
I can’t believe I almost forgot how fly I am and I don’t know why. It’s uncanny how easily reduced I can become by other's opinions, judgments, and insecurities. I’m so sensitive and so hard at the same time it’s such a delicate dance between the powerful yet sensitive divine feminine and the direct and strong divine masculine energy.
It’s stupefying that even though my mind logically understands, not needing approval from other people my heart often does not. No matter how much work I’ve done in this area it always creeps back up like a bad dream.
It’s mind-boggling how deep the wounds of emotional and verbal abuse can go. This creates such an imprint in the soul and I believe that it etches into something deeper like how one truly feels about themselves. Because the scar is so deep it requires levels of healing. It requires consistent reinforcement of positive seeds of inspiration and empowerment that grow into self-actualization.
That’s why The words that we speak, are so powerful! Words are spells that have the power to heal or curse. This is something I learned at an early age. Some things that were said to me should never be said to anyone let alone a child. Even the I words I have used as an adult to people have been downright evil sometimes. At times in an argument, I could use my gift of vocabulary to slice to the bone of the most painful feelings of another. Hurt people hurt people and I’m no exception to the rule. Perhaps it’s just karma coming to collect. Out of that same potty mouth I learned to speak words of wisdom, encouragement, empowerment, empathy, and compassion too. First with myself and then with others.
One of my most important spiritual gifts is my words. I could remember when I would say things like I hated someone and my ancestors would stop me and they would say "Watch your words" when I spoke In a low, vibrational tone about myself. I was here. "Be mindful of your words, your words are powerful."
It took some time to really understand that and some maturity. A lot of times I would just lash out about how I felt almost like I was over, expressing from a lack of expression as a child. As if that short burst of explosion of anger would make up for all of that or the lack of it.
Sometimes I would say the words other people wanted me to say or BE just to fit in. Lack of self-awareness and understanding can have you doing some wild stuff even morphing Your behavior to appease someone else.
Just the other day, I found myself in a mindset, just like that not necessarily trying to change my behavior, but trying to feel accepted and a sense of belonging because my complex personality being misunderstood.
I had to pause, pop by Air Pods, and listen to Beyoncé, “Cozy” and Megan Thee Stallion's “Her” and just like that I was back. I can’t believe I forgot who I was for about five minutes. Thank God for consistent inner work. I’m no longer that wounded little child I’m a strong, confident intelligent, and intuitive woman today and I’m not those ideas other people had about me so long ago and I don’t have to hurt people to get my point across.
I pray I never forget who I am. Now it’s time for a little yoga and a whole lot of alignment.
Until the next time loves.
Zipporah Banyay a.k.a Goddess Zee
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